maybe the reason why I’m single is because I’ve never gone to a new years eve party at a ski resort and sung karaoke with a complete stranger
i don’t get it
u r not a true wildcat
youvejustgottakeepsmiling asked: Ahhhh hang in there chucky :/ sounds suckish but good luck! <3
its worse that suckish, but you live and learn.
life goes on
i gave you everything i could. im not an affectionate person, but i tried, im not that girl that you take home to your parents and your friends and will go shopping with your sister and stuff, but i tried. Im the girl with the guard up 24/7 who isnt vunerable and who hurts you before you hurt me, but i tried. I tried at it all, cos it was important to you, and you were important to me, and for once in my life i started to care, about you, and about your feelings. you werent some other guy that i could just drop when i wanted to. You meant something, and that was because you were always there, you were the good guy. And I thought we had something good.
But you dropped me, and i guess im still coming to terms with it, its like every opinion and feeling i ever had for you, has been completely turned upside down, because of how you did it, i trusted you, i respected you, and i thought you were a decent human being. And I know deep down, you are really, which makes all of this even harder for me to deal with. I dont understand why you did it, or where it came from, and i really do hate the way you did it, but you were faithful to how you felt, and no one can fault you for that, and i guess i do have to say that you were fair to me for not dragging it out any longer than needed, but all of that, doesnt stop it from hurting, it doesnt stop me from missing you, and it doesnt stop me from thinking about what happened to change everything or constantly questioning everything that happened, and wondering whether any of this was ever worth it. Why wasnt i worth it?
I could sit here and pretend im angry and im bitter, and in a way i am. I could sit here and so easily say i hate you for what youve done, but i dont, and i dont think i could ever hate you. Being angry and bitter achieves nothing, it doesnt help you get anywhere but more angry and more bitter. I dont know why you wont talk to me, maybe its your way of dealing with it, but now is the time that i have to do what i have to do to move on, and i will try to do that with grace and class and dignity, not for you but for myself.
I dont know what will happen in the future, and hopefully we can go back to being friends like we were before any of this, because at the end of it all, ive also lost a friend. And that changes everything.
I dont think ill ever tell you any of this, cos its been hard enough admitting any of this to myself. You were the best thing that happened to me in a long time, and you taught me a lot, you taught me to be brave with how i felt, and for that i thank you. I wish I could say that maybe we can try and fix what has been lost, and move past it. But i dont have that trust anymore, just doubt. I hope one day ill look back on all of this and remember the good memories and not the bitter ending, because it was fun while it lasted, and i was the me that i liked, i was happy. I was falling in love.
All thats left to do now, is get over you. And that will be hard, really hard.
1: Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?